Building a Relationship With Intended Parents as a Surrogate

Becoming a surrogate is a life-changing experience—one that not only supports the dreams of hopeful parents but also creates opportunities for connection, trust, and shared purpose. A positive and respectful relationship with the intended parents is key to making your surrogacy journey smooth, fulfilling, and meaningful.

While every relationship is different, these essential tips can help you build a strong foundation throughout the process.

Trust is the cornerstone of any meaningful relationship, and it begins from the very first interaction. As a surrogate, being open, honest, and communicative with the intended parents helps establish mutual respect and transparency.

Equally, intended parents should feel comfortable sharing their expectations, concerns, and hopes. Following through on commitments, whether that’s attending medical appointments, following care guidelines, or providing updates, reinforces reliability and fosters trust on both sides.

Set Clear Expectations From the Start

Every surrogacy journey is unique, which is why it’s important to have honest conversations early about preferences, boundaries, and involvement.

Topics to discuss may include:

• Level of involvement: Will the intended parents attend appointments or be present for milestones?
• Communication style and frequency: How often will you connect, and through what methods?
• Emotional expectations: Is the relationship expected to be more personal or more structured?

Clarifying these details ensures everyone enters the journey with aligned expectations, reducing the likelihood of misunderstandings later.

Maintain Consistent Communication

Staying in regular contact with the intended parents helps them feel connected to the pregnancy, even if they aren’t physically present. Simple updates on your health, how you’re feeling, or pregnancy milestones can bring reassurance and joy.

That doesn’t mean constant communication is necessary—just intentional, consistent check-ins. Whether by text, phone, or video chat, these small efforts can make a big impact.

Respect Each Other’s Boundaries

While closeness may naturally grow, it’s important to establish and respect emotional and physical boundaries. Every surrogate and every family has a different comfort level.

Be open about your own boundaries and invite the intended parents to share theirs. A mutually respectful relationship honors individual needs while maintaining trust and comfort throughout the journey.

Celebrate Milestones Together

From the first heartbeat to the final trimester, pregnancy is full of meaningful moments. When shared intentionally, these milestones can strengthen the bond between surrogate and intended parents.

Whether it’s attending an ultrasound together, sharing a baby bump photo, or marking halfway through the pregnancy, these celebrations create cherished memories for everyone involved.

Discuss the Post-Birth Relationship

Before delivery, talk openly about what the relationship might look like after the birth. Some intended parents may want to stay in touch, while others may prefer a more private transition.

Setting expectations ahead of time helps prevent confusion or disappointment later. Whether you choose to stay connected occasionally or part ways respectfully, the most important thing is having a shared understanding.

Becoming a surrogate is an extraordinary act of compassion, and nurturing a healthy, respectful relationship with the intended parents adds emotional depth and fulfillment to the experience.

By building trust, setting expectations, staying in touch, honoring boundaries, sharing milestones, and planning for life after birth, you create the foundation for a truly meaningful journey—one that honors both your story and the family you’re helping to grow.

To learn more about the matching process and how Elevate supports every step of your surrogacy experience, visit our surrogate application page.