What It’s Really Like to Be a Surrogate: Krissy Abram’s Story, in Her Own Words

Last Updated: June 26, 2026

Some experiences change you in ways you cannot fully explain until you’re standing on the other side of them. For Krissy Abram, becoming a surrogate was one of those experiences. It reshaped her friendships, deepened her children’s understanding of the world, and ultimately led her to a career built entirely around helping others find their way through one of life’s most meaningful journeys.

Krissy is the Director of Surrogacy at Elevate Baby and a two-time gestational surrogate with a professional background spanning case management, finance, and the legal industry. She has been inside the surrogacy process from every angle: as a surrogate herself, as a case manager, and now as the person guiding other women through one of the most significant commitments of their lives.

Krissy shared what drew her to surrogacy, what surprised her, what she tells the women who come to her now, and what she would do differently. Her answers offer a completely honest, firsthand account of what becoming a surrogate actually looks like from beginning to end.

What Is a Gestational Surrogate?

A gestational surrogate is a woman who carries a pregnancy created through in vitro fertilization (IVF) using an embryo that is not genetically her own. The embryo typically comes from the intended parents or from donor eggs and/or donor sperm. Because the surrogate has no genetic connection to the baby, gestational surrogacy is the most commonly practiced and legally straightforward form of surrogacy in the United States today.

Gestational surrogacy makes parenthood possible for families who cannot carry a pregnancy themselves: married couples, same-sex couples, single parents, and those who have spent years navigating infertility. It is one of the most generous things one person can do for another.

The American Society for Reproductive Medicine (ASRM) has established clinical guidelines that most fertility clinics follow when screening and approving gestational surrogate candidates. Meeting those standards, along with an agency’s own requirements, is the starting point for anyone considering this path.

Why Krissy Became a Surrogate

Krissy’s path to surrogacy started with a simple but profound recognition: she had always loved being pregnant. After completing her own family, she realized that while pregnancy came naturally to her, it was something others desperately wanted and could not do themselves.

“The idea that something that came naturally to me could completely change someone else’s life was incredibly powerful,” she says. “Once I learned more about surrogacy, it felt like the perfect way to help another family in a truly meaningful way.”

What started as a desire to help became a defining experience of her life. Surrogacy introduced her to families and friendships she still cherishes today and changed how her children understand compassion and generosity. Ultimately, it led her to a career she is deeply passionate about.

“Looking at my life now, I absolutely cannot imagine not having done it,” Krissy says. “What began as one journey ended up changing the trajectory of my life in ways I never could have imagined.”

Why She Became a Repeat Surrogate

Her second journey came from a place of connection, not obligation. The relationship she built with her intended parents during the first journey grew into something that extended far beyond surrogacy. They became close friends, exchanged visits, celebrated milestones together, and eventually began taking family vacations as one extended family.

“Doing a sibling journey with them was honestly a no-brainer,” Krissy explains. “There was already so much trust, respect, and love between us that helping them grow their family again felt incredibly natural.”

That kind of relationship is not guaranteed in surrogacy, but it is possible. And it is one of the reasons Krissy believes that choosing the right intended parents matters more than almost anything else in this process.

What to Expect Before Your Surrogacy Journey Even Begins

One of the most important things Krissy shares with women considering surrogacy is this: the process is rarely a straight line, and patience is just as essential as excitement.

Her own journeys were remarkably smooth. She matched in October, transferred successfully, and delivered the following September. “Looking back, I realize just how fortunate we were,” she says.

That timeline is not the norm for everyone. The surrogacy process involves many moving parts, and there are numerous points where delays or unexpected challenges can arise.

The Surrogacy Stages Most People Don’t See Coming

Before a pregnancy is ever confirmed, a surrogate typically moves through an initial application and screening, medical and background evaluation, legal agreements, cycle preparation, and an embryo transfer. Each stage has its own timeline, and any of them can shift due to circumstances beyond anyone’s control.

Some surrogates achieve pregnancy on their first transfer, while others go through multiple cycles before a pregnancy is confirmed. Some journeys move from match to delivery in around a year, and others take significantly longer.

“There can be waiting periods during matching, additional medical testing, legal delays, insurance hurdles, canceled cycles, failed transfers, pregnancy complications, or changes in circumstances for any of the parties involved,” Krissy explains. “Working in surrogacy now, I see firsthand that every journey is unique.”

Her advice to her younger self: understand the full scope of what is involved, and resist the urge to spend energy worrying about every possible “what if.” The unexpected challenges become part of the story, and helping someone become a parent remains worth it.

Who Can Become a Surrogate: Requirements and Disqualifiers

Gestational surrogacy has specific medical, psychological, and lifestyle requirements that all candidates must meet. These standards exist for one purpose: to protect the health and well-being of the surrogate, the baby, and the intended parents.

Generally, a gestational surrogate must have had at least one healthy, uncomplicated pregnancy and delivery, be actively raising the child from that pregnancy, maintain a stable home environment, and meet clinical health guidelines established by the fertility clinic.

What May Keep Someone from Moving Forward

Things that may disqualify a candidate include significant complications from prior pregnancies, certain medical conditions, active tobacco or drug use, untreated mental health concerns, or issues identified during psychological or medical screening.

“The goal isn’t to exclude people,” Krissy says. “It’s to ensure the safest possible experience for the surrogate, the baby, and the intended parents.”

If you are unsure whether you qualify, the best step is an honest conversation with a reputable agency. Many factors are evaluated on a case-by-case basis, and a good agency will walk you through what applies to your situation clearly and without judgment.

How Surrogacy Affects Your Whole Family

Surrogacy is not something one person does alone. It becomes, in a real sense, a family commitment.

Krissy’s husband was actively involved throughout both of her journeys: communicating with the intended parents, helping with injections, and supporting her through the emotional and physical demands of the process. Her children were part of it too, in ways that left lasting impressions.

“One of the things I am most grateful for is that surrogacy helped my children understand that families can be created in many different ways,” she says. “They were able to see firsthand how deeply intended parents love and long for their future children. It gave them a level of understanding and appreciation that many adults never have the opportunity to experience.”

What Daily Life as a Surrogate Looked Like

Day to day, Krissy’s life during her journeys looked surprisingly ordinary. She worked, attended school functions, managed her children’s sports schedules, and handled the responsibilities of a full family life. The differences were the additional medical appointments, medication schedules, and coordination around key milestones like transfer and delivery.

The intended parents became woven into their family life as well. They visited, attended birthday parties, and stayed in their home. Her children watched those relationships develop naturally over time, and they witnessed what it meant for another family to move closer to becoming parents.

The Emotional Challenges of Being a Surrogate

The public conversation around surrogacy tends to focus on the pregnancy itself. What gets far less attention is everything that comes before it, and the emotional weight it can carry.

There can be months of screening, appointments, legal preparation, cycle readiness, and sometimes unsuccessful transfers before a pregnancy ever begins. “There are moments when things don’t go according to plan, and that can be emotionally exhausting for everyone involved,” Krissy says. “I often see that surrogates take disappointing news just as hard as the intended parents.”

The uncertainty is real, and it is one of the less visible challenges of any surrogacy journey.

Do Surrogates Bond with the Baby They Carry?

This is one of the most common questions Krissy hears, and the answer is nuanced. Surrogates are genuinely invested in the pregnancy in ways that run deep. They celebrate positive tests, carry the same hope going into every transfer, and feel real heartbreak if something goes wrong.

What most experienced surrogates describe is a different kind of connection entirely: one rooted in purpose, in the conscious and generous choice to carry a life for someone else. From the beginning, the surrogate understands whose baby this is, and she finds meaning in that clarity.

What Happens at Delivery

Krissy describes watching her intended parents meet their baby for the first time as one of the most profound moments of her life.

“Watching them meet their baby and become a family was one of the most rewarding moments of my life,” she says. “When we first matched, I hoped we would stay in touch after the journey. I never could have imagined how close we would become.”

That moment at delivery is one that stays with surrogates. It is the culmination of months of commitment, medical appointments, emotional investment, and an extraordinary act of generosity. For many surrogates, the climb is real, and the view from the top is worth every step of it.

What helped Krissy through the harder moments was returning to the reason she started in the first place. She focused on the bigger picture, leaned on her support system, stayed connected with her intended parents, and gave herself permission to acknowledge that some parts of the process are genuinely hard and sometimes outside anyone’s control.

The Financial Reality of Surrogacy

Surrogacy can be financially meaningful, but it can also be misunderstood in ways that leave surrogates unprepared. At Elevate, we believe you deserve the full picture before you ever commit to anything.

“Surrogacy can absolutely be financially transformative, but it is not easy money, and it is not quick money,” she says directly. “One of the biggest misconceptions I see is that women assume they will begin receiving substantial compensation as soon as they sign up.”

In reality, the majority of a surrogate’s compensation does not begin until after pregnancy confirmation. Base compensation for first-time gestational surrogates in the United States typically ranges from $55,000 to $70,000 or more, with experienced surrogates often earning higher base rates. That compensation is paid out over the course of the journey, not upfront.

What Surrogate Compensation Actually Covers

A surrogate gives more than a pregnancy. She gives her time, her body, her emotional energy, and more than a year of her life. She attends appointments, manages medications, navigates the legal process, coordinates travel, and carries both the physical and emotional weight of the journey. Compensation reflects all of that. At Elevate, we believe that kind of contribution deserves to be genuinely honored.

While some fees and stipends are paid during screening and preparation, it is entirely possible to be actively involved in a journey for many months before receiving significant compensation. Planning for that timeline is one of the most important financial decisions a prospective surrogate can make.

“I always encourage women to view compensation as a meaningful benefit of doing something extraordinary, rather than the sole reason for doing it,” Krissy says. “The women who have the most positive experiences are the ones who understand both sides of the equation. Yes, surrogacy can create incredible financial opportunities, but it also requires patience, commitment, flexibility, and a genuine desire to help someone become a parent.”

What Krissy Tells Every Prospective Surrogate

If there is one thing Krissy emphasizes above all others in her conversations with prospective surrogates, it is this: the most important decision a surrogate will make is choosing her intended parents. While compensation and the clinic matter, the relationship she enters into with the family she carries for will shape everything about her experience.

Surrogacy is a long journey. You are entering into a relationship that will last well over a year and, in many cases, continues long after delivery.

“Because of that, I spend a lot of time talking with surrogates about relationship expectations,” she says. “There is a wide spectrum of what a healthy surrogate and intended parent relationship can look like. Some surrogates and intended parents communicate daily and become lifelong friends. Others have a more structured relationship that is still incredibly positive and respectful. Neither is right or wrong.”

What matters is that everyone involved has shared expectations going in, and that the surrogate feels genuinely comfortable and excited about the people she is choosing to work with.

You Can Always Say No to a Match

One thing Krissy makes clear to every surrogate she works with is that it is always okay to pass on a profile that does not feel like the right fit.

“I never want a surrogate to feel pressured to move forward simply because a profile looks good on paper,” she says. “This journey is too important and too personal for that.”

When a surrogate feels genuinely connected to and aligned with her intended parents, the entire journey tends to be more positive and rewarding for everyone. “The goal isn’t simply to get matched,” Krissy says. “The goal is to find the intended parents who are the right fit for you.”

How Krissy’s Experience Shaped the Program

Krissy did not come to Elevate Baby with professional expertise alone. She came with direct personal experience of what surrogates actually need, and what is often missing elsewhere. Her background in case management, finance, and the legal industry gave her the tools to build a program, and her surrogacy journeys gave her the perspective to make it genuinely good.

“As a former surrogate myself, I have tailored many parts of our program around the things I wished existed during my own journeys,” she says.

Elevate’s approach centers on education, communication, and high-touch support from the very first conversation through delivery and beyond. Every surrogate is paired with a dedicated case manager who stays with her throughout the entire journey: the same familiar voice from match to delivery, someone who knows her story and advocates for her at every turn. We obsess over the details so our surrogates never have to.

The team at Elevate understands this experience because many of them have lived it, and that lived perspective is the foundation the program was built on. It shapes every decision Krissy makes for the women in her care.

Surrogate-Set Compensation: A Meaningful Difference

Rather than placing surrogates into predetermined compensation tiers, Elevate allows surrogates to set their own base compensation and then works to find intended parents who align with those expectations.

“We believe surrogates should have a voice in what they feel is fair for the commitment they are making,” Krissy explains.

That philosophy extends across the entire journey. Whether the challenge is compensation, clinic communication, travel coordination, or navigating something unexpected, Elevate’s goal is for every surrogate to feel supported, informed, respected, and genuinely valued from the very first conversation through delivery and long after.

Frequently Asked Questions

Read to Explore Becoming a Surrogate?

Krissy Abram built a career around the experience she could not stop thinking about. Two journeys, friendships that became family, and a deep belief that every woman considering this path deserves complete honesty about what it involves and what it can become.

If you are thinking about surrogacy and want to understand what it actually looks like, Elevate Baby’s team is ready to walk through every detail with you. Every conversation here starts from a place of honesty, guided by people who have been where you are and who care deeply about where you go next.

Apply to become a surrogate or reach out to start a conversation. Your journey deserves the right team behind it.