Best Ways to Get to Know Your Surrogate

Surrogacy is a unique and complex arrangement that requires a high level of trust and communication between all parties involved. Intended parents and their surrogate need to establish a positive relationship that will allow them to work together throughout the surrogacy process. Getting to know your surrogate is an essential step in building that relationship. Here are some of the best ways to do so.

1. Schedule a meeting

If Intended Parents are working with an agency, there is usually a first meeting scheduled by the agency coordinator. This is the first step in building a connection and establishing trust. As the journey progresses, it’s always helpful to continue having facetime with each other, either in-person or virtually. These meetings will allow you to gauge each other’s personalities, body language, and tone of voice, which can help build a better relationship.

2. Communicate regularly

Communication is key to a successful surrogacy arrangement. Regular communication can help you get to know your surrogate better and establish a rapport. Whether it’s through phone calls, text messages, or emails, make sure to stay in touch and check in with each other. Communicating regularly can also help prevent any misunderstandings or miscommunications.  Many intended parents and surrogates will have regularly schedule “check-ins” to keep communication flowing.

3. Share your backgrounds and interests

Sharing your backgrounds and interests can help you find common ground with your surrogate. Talking about your hobbies, favorite books, or movies can help you get to know each other on a more personal level. Sharing your stories can also help you understand each other’s motivations for becoming involved in the surrogacy process.

4. Attend medical appointments

Attending medical appointments with your surrogate can help you understand the surrogacy process and establish a deeper connection. You can ask questions and gain a better understanding of what your surrogate is going through during the pregnancy. Attending medical appointments can also help you feel more involved in the process.  The embryo transfer and anatomy scan in the second trimester are huge milestones which are great moments for Intended Parents to be present.

5. Respect boundaries

Respecting boundaries is essential when getting to know your surrogate. Surrogacy is a partnership.  Intended parents must understand that surrogates are acting on their own free will and will continue to live their own lives throughout a surrogacy journey. It’s important to respect your surrogate’s wishes and not overstep any boundaries they have set.

6. Discuss expectations and goals

Discussing expectations and goals can help you align your surrogacy journey. Being on the same page can help avoid misunderstandings and ensure everyone is working towards the same end goal. It’s important to be honest about your expectations and listen to your surrogate’s goals as well. This can help build trust and understanding between all parties.  Most reputable agencies help this by having surrogates and intended parents complete several documents pertaining to preferences and expectations: Matching Questionnaires and Birth Plans.

7. Show gratitude and appreciation

Showing gratitude and appreciation can go a long way in building a positive relationship with your surrogate. Small gestures, like sending a thoughtful note or gift, or sending a Doordash meal, can help show your appreciation for their commitment to helping you grow your family. Showing gratitude and appreciation can also help foster a more positive and supportive environment throughout the surrogacy process.

In conclusion, building a relationship with your surrogate is an important part of the surrogacy journey. Scheduling meetings, communicating regularly, sharing your backgrounds and interests, attending medical appointments, respecting boundaries, discussing expectations and goals, and showing gratitude and appreciation are all essential steps in getting to know your surrogate. Building a positive relationship can help establish trust and communication, which is essential for a successful surrogacy arrangement.

To learn more about surrogacy: how to become a surrogate, or how to grow your family through surrogacy as an Intended Parent, please contact Elevate at


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