Relationships can be tricky. They take communication, compromise, and compassion.
Add a woman you just met, embryo transfers, and pregnancy tests, and things can get complicated pretty quickly.
The relationship between surrogates and intended parents can be hard to navigate. Fortunately, most relationships between the two parties end up being very positive and, in all likelihood, will develop into a life long friendship.
Here are our best tips to ensure a healthy relationship between intended parents and surrogates.
Understand the Intended Parent’s Lack of Control
Yes, the surrogate is the one carrying the baby. But the intended parents have waited years to have a child and are understandably very anxious about their new baby.
Intended parents have to show incredible amounts of trust. They trust that the surrogate is taking care of their unborn child in every possible way. Surrogates must be patient and try to empathize if they frequently call for updates.
If the intended parents become too overbearing, respectfully reach out to your surrogacy professional.
Respect the Surrogate
Yes, the child belongs to the intended parents. But, the surrogate is willing to sacrifice her own body for your family.
Intended parents need to trust and respect the surrogate. She has been thoroughly screened and is deemed healthy and reliable. She also wants what is best for your baby. Trust that she will do everything she can to keep your baby safe.
Intended parents also need to remember that the surrogate still has a full and busy personal life that includes a spouse, kids, and work. Both parties need to respect each other’s lives outside of the surrogacy agreement.
Create a Schedule
We’ve found the best way to ensure consistent contact between the surrogate and the intended parents is to create a schedule.
Everyone needs to be comfortable with the amount of contact during the pregnancy, and this schedule looks different for every agreement.
Some arrangements include getting-to-know-you activities such as taking a hike or going to dinner. Others arrange meetings once a week to get updates on the pregnancy. We like to encourage our intended parents and our surrogates to get to know each other personally to develop love and trust for each other.
Most arrangements include doctor appointments. This will allow the intended parents to be present during ultrasounds and all check-ups during the pregnancy.
Communication is Key
The most important part of the relationship is communication. Establishing open communication lines that everyone is comfortable with is essential in developing a successful relationship during pregnancy.
Here are a few different ways to communicate.
Regular Updates
Aside from the contact schedule, intended parents should be able to expect regular updates. This can even be something as simple as a text to say how much the baby is kicking. Remember, the intended parents have likely waited a long time for this baby. They will be thrilled with any updates the surrogate can give them.
Sharing Photos
Like an excited expectant mother would take belly pictures, the surrogate should also take photos to send them to the intended parents. This will allow the parents to see how much the baby is growing and realize that this baby is becoming a reality.
This is also a great way to show the child where they came from when they are older. As a surrogate, you will always be a part of the child’s history.
Sending Cards and Letters
In a world where communication is lightning fast, it can be easy to forget how special it is to get a card in the mail.
Encouraging or funny cards from the intended parents could brighten up the day of a surrogate who is tired, sore, and swollen. And in return, the surrogate could send updates and doctor appointment notes to the intended parents.
After the baby is born, add these cards to a journal. It would make the perfect keepsake for the baby.
It Takes Time to Bond
The bonding between intended parents and surrogates is special and unique. But, it takes time for the bond to form. Don’t worry if it doesn’t happen right away. Take time and ask questions to get to know each other.
If you’re ready to be part of something special and unique, call us today. We can help match you with the perfect surrogate or intended parents. Together we can create something extraordinary.
