How Much Influence Do Intended Parents Have On Their Surrogate’s Habits?

As an approved gestational carrier, you have already had at least one healthy pregnancy and birth. More than likely, that experience left you feeling pretty confident and comfortable with the decisions you made for your body and baby throughout the childbearing year.

Your intended parents won’t be delivering their child themselves. But they’re certain to have a few opinions on what would make *them* most feel confident and comfortable in the choices being made for their baby.

So where is the balance between having ownership over your own body and respecting the parents’ desires for in a surrogate pregnancy?

The truth is—it’s not always black and white and a healthy relationship with your intended parent’s will hopefully land somewhere in between the two polarities.

Every Surrogate Journey is Unique.

Some intended parents may have particular opinions concerning your diet while others might be much more interested in plans for the birth.

There may be issues you felt very strongly about in your own pregnancy, that naturally take a backseat to make room for your intended parents’ preferences.

Conversely, your intended parents may prioritize your preferences on other issues like what kind of maternity care provider you have, or who will be allowed in the room during the birth.

No matter the specifics, there are two things that will go a long way towards establishing healthy expectations and relationships for your surrogate journey: preparation and open dialogue.


If you have a few preferences you know will be important to you in pregnancy, those are things you will want to let us know even before matching. At Elevate, we value your opinions and choices for your body.

Know ahead of time what those “make or break” preferences are for you and share early. Be sure to include them in your match questionnaire and discuss with one of our team members. We will work tirelessly to connect you to intended parents who feel comfortable with the line items most important to you.

After matching, many of these preferences will be included in your contract and agreed upon ahead of time.

Discuss Your Surrogacy Preferences

In the same way, your intended parents will likely also have a few preferences they would like you to agree to prior to becoming pregnant also.

Habits like non-organic eating, strenuous exercise, caffeine intake, and hair or nail salon usage are some examples of things intended parents might ask you to limit or forgo completely.

The key is to keep an open mind, always consider the parent’s perspective, and whenever possible—discuss the bridge before you come to it!

Communicate Often When Discussing Surrogacy

Now, preparation is an excellent start but it only gets you halfway there. 

As anyone who’s planned a pregnancy or had a baby knows– one thing you can plan on is that things will not always go to plan!

So where planning falls short, open communication saves the day. Be honest with yourself about your preferences and be willing to communicate openly about your desires. 

Your case manager will be happy to help find common ground if there are choices you and your intended parents cannot come to an agreement on. And when in doubt, your doctor’s recommendations are always the best place to start. 

Start Your Surrogacy Journey with Elevate

We get it.

Carrying a surrogate pregnancy looks a little different.

At Elevate, we’re here to help you continue to make choices that serve you and your body *while* respecting the decisions for the life entrusted to you by your intended parents.

We’re here to help you love your journey.


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